


Scars Cover You (In Fine Lines)

by earlgreyson



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Developing Relationship, F/F, Genderswap, Marauders' Era, Minor Injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-13
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-20 06:22:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5994673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earlgreyson/pseuds/earlgreyson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus was held together by her secrets. They were well worn corridors she could hide in, paths that she had walked alone in her mind too many times to count. Remus did not share her secrets easily.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scars Cover You (In Fine Lines)

**Author's Note:**

> prompted by an anon a while ago for girl!Remus successfully hiding her werewolf nature by using the excuse of cramps, it works until she scars her face and she's forced to deal with the revelation. I maybe forgot about the cramps part but I loved the idea of lesbian Sirius and Remus so here u go, hope u like it!
> 
> Title from Scars by Anna Nalick.

Remus was held together by her secrets. They were well worn corridors she could hide in, paths that she had walked alone in her mind too many times to count. Remus did not share her secrets easily.

 

She’d come to Hogwarts a scared girl overwhelmed by the press of so  _ many _ people. As a child she’d wandered the moors surrounding her home, quietly wild and carefree. Then the secrets had begun and she no longer wandered. Books became her moors and Remus retreated farther into them, they whispered their secrets to her and she listened. In the mass of first years piling into the Great Hall, Remus had felt her secrets choking her and, not for the first time, wondered if she had risked too much for this chance.

 

Small fingers had tucked into her elbow as they stood in line, the eyes of all the older children on the waiting newcomers. Remus had turned with to see eyes like a storm peering at her. They were cautious, raging depths that pulled her down and away from the noise. She smiled slightly, more smirk than anything.

 

“It’s okay,” she had told Remus, brushing a loose curl away from her eyes with her free hand. “They won’t bite.”

 

Standing there as name after name was called, the girl never moved her hand from Remus’ arm. When the girl’s name came up―Sirius Black, the girl with the storm grey eyes and the night dark hair was named  _ Sirius _ and Remus felt less alone than she ever had before―she let go with a squeeze and moved forward. Sirius moved with purpose, with ease. This was a girl so completely at ease in a way that left Remus jealous. The look on her face as the tattered leather hat shouted  _ Gryffindor _ , though, was one of anger and fear. She’d slumped into a seat at the table bedecked in red and gold, the opposite of the confidence she’d exuded moments before. The noise had pressed in on Remus once more and she shook with it.

 

And then it was her turn to be judged. Would the hat spit out her secrets? Would they turn her out and say she wasn’t welcomed here? All Remus’ fears clawed up her throat, beating against her clenched teeth and demanding to be released. She had stumbled forward and almost fell onto the stool, startling as leather fell over her eyes and the world went dark.

 

“You are afraid,” the hat had whispered in her ears. “You are more than what you fear, though it will burden you all your life.”

 

_ I don’t care,  _ she thought fiercely,  _ I want to learn. I will not be denied. _

 

When the hat named her  _ Gryffindor _ , Remus had felt the chains of her secrets loosen.

  
  
  


 

Days passed and turned into weeks as the girl sought to find stability in her new world. She studied, she ate foods she’d never dreamed of, she spoke little. She’d found a new sense of stability in her classes. Things Remus had only heard of in books bloomed to life before her eyes and her curiosity was endless. She ran voraciously through the required readings, made friends with the sharp-eyed librarian, and wandered through the halls of her new home.

 

The strangest part for the girl, though, was the sudden influx of people to call friend. She’d been cautiously happy to learn she was sharing a dormitory with Sirius, despite the horror the girl had shown at being sorted into Gryffindor. But the other girls she shared with―one with dusky skin and wild hair who went by James, a softly rounded blond who had blushed and said simply to call her Peter―were friendly and open as they had talked that first night. Remus hadn’t been able to offer much to the conversation, but the warmth that flowed around as they’d tucked into bed and whispered in the dark comforted her more than she had thought possible.

 

Days turned into weeks and then months. Leaves fell from the trees and snow moved in like an old friend. Remus began to find her voice with these strange new girls, but in the back of her mind her secrets still called to her to not get comfortable because they could ruin her. So Remus tried her best to remain detached as James snuck food from the kitchen and she studied with Peter. It was hardest when Sirius smiled at Remus like she had a secret she wanted to share. It made the words boil up and the girl would bite them down forcefully, choking as she smiled back.

 

By the time the holidays rolled around Remus was falling head over heels for her friends and the wild way in which they ran. They laughed and teased and pretended the world owed them everything for no other reason than they wanted it.

 

It didn’t stop the other girls from quietly asking where Remus disappeared to every month, it didn’t stop them from wondering why Remus always wore long sleeves and never rolled them up.

 

It was a source of endless curiosity for Sirius in particular. The dark haired girl with the stormy eyes found new ways to ask, came up with unbelievable stories to explain it. Remus was an assassin and once a month went into the world to kill dark wizards. Remus was in a secret band and snuck away to serenade in pubs across the country. She was a spy, she was a pirate covered in tattoos, she was in love. With each story Remus grew tired. Not of the stories themselves, she loved to imagine herself in every crazy scene that Sirius described. It made the girl feel larger than life and it thrilled her to think that she could ever have a life of such freedom. The weight of her secrets dragged on Remus’ shoulders in a way she didn’t think she would ever shake.

 

But she didn’t say and Sirius didn’t let it go. It was a dance to see who would give in first and fear held Remus’ tongue more firmly as she learned about Sirius’ own life. Their beds lay next to each other in the small round room and on nights where neither could sleep, Sirius would slip into Remus’ bed and they would talk quietly behind the curtains charmed for silence until both girls fell into dreamless slumber. Usually it was silly things, but they slowly started to tell each other about their lives before Hogwarts. Remus told Sirius about the moors and Sirius painted the picture of a childhood home with too much room and not enough kindness. Remus described her parents and the quiet, Sirius murmured about her little brother and how scared she was that without her there to protect him he would become like their parents.

 

First year fell away to the rising heat of summer and Remus found herself missing the girls she had become so close to, the first friends she ever had. She suffered through the long days and wrote letters to occupy her mind. Sirius kept up a spirited conversation as the weeks wound on, telling this or that story of mischief and mayhem and dark nights spent praying for an escape. Remus told her about the books she was reading, the way the long grass of the moors danced in the summer breeze, how quiet it was compared to the dorms. She didn’t speak of the nights filled with moonlight and she didn’t say how much she missed the comfort of the other girl’s presence. Every letter was saved though, tucked into an old shirt and gently placed in the back of the wardrobe.

 

By the winter holidays of second year it was obvious that Sirius wanted so badly to know Remus’ secret. The curiosity was a fire in her eyes, a visible itch beneath her skin. But the question never passed the girl’s lips and Remus never offered an explanation. That didn’t mean she didn’t want to though, and the words found themselves pressed against the inside of her lips more and more.

 

Remus was ruled by her secrets, but the well worn paths that had once comforted her now felt cloying and claustrophobic. During the day the girl learned and laughed with friends, at night she lay next to Sirius and whispered stories into the warm darkness of their room. Myths and fairytales mixed with memories and historical events in the still night air. Sometimes she felt like Scheherazade weaving tales out of thin air, even more so when Sirius nearly broke her jaw yawning as she pleaded for just one more.

 

Not a single tale was about the moon. Not a single tale was about Remus’ secrets.

  
  
  


 

It could have continued like this forever, the girl was prepared to let it for the sake of protecting her friends.  _ Protecting herself, _ the darkest corner of her mind whispered sneeringly in the times when she couldn’t hold it back. But when they returned to school after the holidays, Remus was sure something was up with her friends. The other girls were clearly talking when she was not around. She didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to listen to the thoughts that warned her that they  _ knew _ , that they were going to leave her behind as soon as they figured out how.

 

More and more Remus buried herself in her studies. Meals were spent hiding in the library surrounded by books, evenings tucked into the corner of the common room with parchment and ink stained fingers wrapped tightly around bent quills. Isolating herself subtly from her friends would make the inevitable separation more bearable, the girl told herself. Focus on school and she’d barely recognize that they weren’t there.

 

But then James would appear in the library with steaming cups of cocoa snuck in under her robes and Peter would sit with her on bright nights, an essay in one hand and a bag of chocolate frogs in the other. Sirius still crawled into her bed most nights and begged stories from her. Sometimes she would request a favorite one from the past, sometimes wanting something she’d never heard.

 

Sometimes Sirius would tell Remus a story and those were the nights that Remus liked best. The other girl’s voice was rich and warm like the inside of a chocolate volcano cake and it drew Remus in like no other. She could listen to that voice for hours as she recalled pranks and conversations, whispered the long, dark history of her family in short bursts of soul baring honesty. Those were the nights that tears slipped quietly down Sirius’ cheeks and all Remus could do was tug her close and murmur the few truths that she held dear. That Sirius was her best friend, that without her Remus would have been small and quiet and alone forever, that she had never felt human until had Sirius found her and  _ held on _ . Those nights Sirius would cry herself to sleep as Remus choked on her secrets.

  
  
  


 

It could have continued forever like this until one day it couldn’t. It wasn’t long into the semester, snow painting everything in shades of white, when Remus’ secrets came tumbling from well worn corridors into glaring light. The girl had tried so hard to keep them close, to hold them tight behind the bars of her mind. But it wasn’t enough and the morning Remus woke in the hospital wing, one eye obscured by a clean white bandage, she knew that it was over. Sobs ripped from her clenched teeth as she slapped both hands over her mouth to stifle them. The curtains drawn around the bed, Remus let herself weep for everything she had lost and everything she would lose because of a secret she had been forced to carry.

 

It didn’t take long for Sirius to find her and Remus knew she should not have been surprised when the door to the wing was flung open and the dark haired girl bolted in. The curtains were still drawn around the bed and Remus could hear Madame Pomfrey meet her, telling her to stop.

 

“No! I know she’s here, tell me where she is!” Sirius demanded, voice like steel in its command. Madame Pomfrey’s voice was too quiet to hear properly, but the young girl’s response was clear as a bell.

 

“I don’t  _ care _ ! I need to know she’s okay, just let me through!”

 

Remus squeezed her eyes shut briefly, trying in some way to prepare herself for what was to come. After a moment she opened them and sat up in bed, trying to pull some semblance of calm into her shaking core.

 

“It’s alright, Madame Pomfrey,” Remus quietly assured through the curtains. “It’s okay.”

 

There was a gentle murmuring from the matron before hurried footsteps made their way towards the bed. They paused briefly just outside―Remus could see the shadow of Sirius through the thick linen―before thin fingers grasped fabric and the girl slipped through.

 

Remus didn’t meet her eyes as Sirius let out a small gasp. She felt her chin wobble briefly as she tried to maintain some kind of control and focused on her tightly clasped hands. The quiet stretched for a long moment. Remus was ready to shake out of her skin, ready to run, ready to hide, ready to forget she ever left the moors and found a home with people she  _ loved _ .

 

Sirius’ fingers came to rest gently under the panicking girl’s chin, tugging just enough to get Remus to look up. Concern and worry stormed in Sirius’ eyes as fingers moved from chin to bandaged cheek, curling to gingerly hold. Without letting go she settled on the edge of the bed.

 

“I know you’re afraid to tell us where you go each month,” she started slowly, voice low and reassuring. “I know that you’ve carried it alone for a long time. But if you want to tell me, I won’t leave.”

 

Screaming and accusations would have been easier for Remus to handle than this gentle, patient, unwavering  _ caring _ that flooded like a wave from where Sirius held her. Tears bubbled up and clung to her lashes as the girl shut her eyes against them. A breath shuddered out of seizing lungs and Sirius pulled Remus’ head down to rest on her shoulder. It was too much and just enough, the last shreds of control disintegrating underneath the onslaught of emotion. A wet, choking sob caught in Remus’ throat and then another and another, until all the girl could do was cling to Sirius’ robes and bow to the storm. Arms wrapped around her shoulders and she could hear her friend murmuring, but her cries were too loud in her own ears to properly understand what was actually being said. It didn’t really matter though, because what Remus heard in the quiet voice and the firm cage of her arms was that it was time to let it go, she didn’t have to bear the weight of her secret alone anymore.

 

It took a while for the tears to subside. Time was an unimportant concept as the two girls rocked slowly on the small hospital bed. When Remus calmed enough that she could pull away from Sirius, the other girl grabbed at her hands and held them tightly in her own. Sniffling, Remus offered a watery smile to her friend.

 

“I’m sorry, I got your robes all wet,” she croaked apologetically as Sirius just shook her head.

 

“Not important, today’s laundry day anyways.” Sirius pressed a kiss to Remus’ knuckles, lips softer than she would have ever imagined.

 

“I―I―” Remus stuttered after a moment, knowing what she had to say but not how to say it. She’d spent her whole life hiding the words from sight, tucking the secret into wordless vaults. Now that she could tell the truth, she didn’t know what to say.

 

“It’s okay, Remus. It’s gonna be okay,” Sirius reassured, scooching closer on the small bed. Remus nodded, took a deep breath, opened her mouth, and took another deep breath before finding her voice.

 

It came out like one of her stories. A little girl whose parents loved her very much, who read to her and taught her amazing things about the world. But one day the girl’s father insulted someone dangerous―a wolf in human skin―with ripping claws and biting fangs. He didn’t mean to, it was an accident. But the wolf took offense and sought out what the man loved most. One night the little girl was playing out on the moors and the wolf took her in his claws, biting her and mauling her as she cried and bled under the bright moon. One night on moors the girl was transformed from a child to a monster hiding in her skin.

 

Sirius did not utter a word as Remus spoke, face solemn and sad. She ran her thumb soothingly over their tangled fingers and waited for the words to run out. When they finally did the silence fell and settled over the two girls like a soft blanket. It lingered for long moments, but not uncomfortably so. In the quiet of the hospital wing, Remus found herself gazing deep into Sirius’ stormy grey eyes and wondering how the universe could have arranged for someone so beautiful to be her friend. Her  _ best  _ friend.

 

When Sirius finally spoke, it was the quietest thing Remus had ever heard her say. Not even in the dark of their room, late in the night, had she ever said anything so softly.

 

“I’ve known for a while, but I didn’t want you to hate me for figuring out your secret when it wasn’t mine to have.”

 

Already feeling like she’d been run over repeatedly by a train, all Remus could do was stare at her friend in shock. She had  _ known _ . This whole time, Sirius had known and  _ still _ continued to share a bed with her, share her food, share her entire life with Remus. Sirius had known and had been afraid―not of the monster in girl’s clothes―but of the girl hating her for  _ knowing _ .

 

“I’ve never told anyone,” Remus huffed out after a moment. “I’ve never  _ wanted _ to tell anyone, but for months I’ve wanted to tell you.”

 

Without thinking, Remus pulled her hands from Sirius’ and wrapped her arms around the girl’s neck. She tucked her nose into the dip where neck met shoulder and just  _ breathed _ . Floral shampoo mingled with the smell of clean laundry and the slight musk of Sirius and Remus wanted to bury herself in that scent. She had never realized that  _ home _ could be defined by a smell, but hugging Sirius and inhaling her was the closest thing she’d ever felt to belonging. A litany of  _ thank you, thank you, thank you  _ from Remus was joined by Sirius’  _ I’m sorry, I love you, I won’t leave you ever _ .

 

They stayed like that, murmuring and wrapped in each other until Madame Pomfrey came over to remove the bandages and kick Sirius out. The girl looked ready to protest, but left quietly after the matron promised that Remus would be released by dinner.

  
  
  


 

Later, when the sun had gone down and the school had settled for the night, Remus laid in her own bed and stared at the darkened ceiling. After she’d been let go from the hospital wing the girl had returned to the Gryffindor tower to find a feast waiting for her in the dormitory. James smiled brilliantly from next to a plate of chocolate chip cookies before standing, pulling Remus out of the doorway and into the room.

 

“We didn’t think you’d want to go to the Great Hall tonight so I used my many powerful connections to bring dinner to us!” She crowed happily, waving an arm expansively over the platters and bowls cluttering the floor. Peter and Sirius sat―well, Peter sat, Sirius was more sprawled than anything else―on pillows pulled from the beds, Sirius rolling her eyes at James.

 

“Yes, your many powerful connections. You mean the house elves in the kitchen you practically begged to bring food up here,” she snarked, popping a berry into her mouth from a bowl of fruit. James stuck out her tongue before sitting down again and snagging a piece of roast chicken from a big silver platter.

 

“Well I don’t see you supplying anything for this great and delightful picnic I singlehandedly arranged, Black.”

 

Sirius’ face split in a wild grin and she pulled herself upright long enough to reach behind the trunk at the end of her bed, pulling out a bottle full of amber liquid. Remus’ eyes widened as she sat down next to the girl.

 

“Where on earth did you get  _ fire whiskey? _ ” Peter squeaked as James attempted to pull it from the girl’s hand. Sirius snatched it back and shook a finger at her.

 

“Nuh uh, this is a special drink for special people which is obviously  _ not _ you, Potter. Remus gets first go at it.” she looked at the girl in question and her teasing eyes softened. “That is if she wants to. You don’t have to though, if you don’t want to.”

 

All Remus could do was stare at the girl with the dark hair and eyes like a storm. There was mischief and kindness and energy all tied up in those eyes, easy things to drown in. After a moment she smiled and reached for the bottle.

  
  
  


 

Hours later, when the food had been demolished and the bottle was mostly empty, Remus lay in her bed with the curtains drawn, staring at the black ceiling above her. She felt light for the first time in her memory―and not just because of the whiskey that had burned down her throat and lit in her stomach. She hadn’t had much, just enough to feel warm and floaty and  _ happy _ . Indescribably happy, almost etherally happy. The girl was sure she’d never been so happy in her life.

 

It didn’t dim either, not even after she caught her reflection in the mirror when she’d gone to the bathroom and saw the long, thin claw marks that ran from her temple across her eye and nose. Madame Pomfrey had said she was lucky she hadn’t hit the eye at all, that she’d walked away with superficial damage only. Remus had remarked that she didn’t feel lucky.

 

Now in the dark, surrounded by the sounds of her sleeping friends, Remus thought that maybe she felt a little lucky. Lucky and light. Secrets had weighed her shoulders down for so long, her feet had travelled the same sad paths so often, that now her friends knew them Remus felt so much more free. The secrets were still there, yes, but now she didn’t have to carry them alone. The weight was spread over the shoulders of her friends as well and together it felt like no weight at all.

 

A rustle pulled Remus from her thoughts and she looked up as Sirius pulled the curtains of her bed aside and slipped under the covers. Turning to face the girl as she settled, Remus felt a smile tug the corners of her lips. She reached out and grasped Sirius’ hand beneath the sheets, sighing contentedly when the long fingers laced with hers.

 

“Tell me a story, Moony?” Sirius asked quietly and Remus huffed a laugh.

 

“Moony?  _ Really? _ ”

 

“I dunno, I thought it was nice.”

 

Remus shook her head, chuckling. “What story do you want?”

 

“Tell me about the girl who went to the underworld and became queen,” Sirius replied after a pause, snuggling further into the bed as she waited for Remus.

 

“Well, once upon a time a girl named Persephone was laying in a field of flowers…”


End file.
